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Tea For Three

TEA FOR THREE

Tea For Three is my latest painting and is being delivered to the wall of Ego’s Culinaria first thing tomorrow morning.

It’s a celebration of cafe catch-ups, delicious tea, biscuits, talking with friends and enjoying the company of others.

Drop into Ego’s to get a closer look!

Howe St, Daylesford.

Introducing the Woman Behind The Blend: B*tch Is Back

If you haven’t already guessed, many of the She-Tea canisters were created pre-children, during long, booze-drenched afternoons of frank and hilarious girl talk, mixed with sporadic cackling and witch-like squeals. The names that made us laugh the most were the ones that made the cut. Once sobriety kicked in, many of these also had to be removed…This is a personal favourite of ours and something we think every woman on the planet can relate to. Enjoy!

B*tch Is Back

You instinctively move back in your chair when you see her walk through the café doors. She slithers towards the counter (reminiscent of Cruella De Ville), and orders a strong pot of English Breakfast tea, with a caramel slice on the side. Poor dear has been hit by the hormone truck.

With a glare that could melt glass and a steely, forked tongue, this hormonally-charged conversation assassin makes her way to a corner table that is shielded from direct sunlight and chirpy passers-by who might think they can stop for a chat.

With her sunglasses still on, she opens the paper with a snap and proceeds to cast her eye over the top, and across the café. In a wave-like motion, all those in the café automatically  overt their eyes and lower their heads towards the ground so as not to be noticed.

As the tea and slice are delivered by a trembling waiter, who clearly drew the shortest straw that morning, she pauses momentarily, looks up, and attempts to move her lips into a shape that resembles a smile. Her efforts are in vain.

Resolved to the fact that for today she would rather stick a fork in her eye than make small talk with a stranger, she finishes her tea and slice, leaves her money on the table, and retreats back to the safety of her lounge room. Here, she plans to wallow in her fluctuating hormones and ride it out until the dawn, where she will once again emerge a beautiful butterfly.

A Bit of Fun from Tweed, Tea & Wellies.

Mrs She-Tea is being terribly elusive; refusing to take my calls or deliver her entry for Face Off 2012. The portrait of me is obviously so stunning that she’s planning to sell it to The Portrait Gallery in London.  As Mother frequently says, “why does one person have to ruin it for everyone?”  Well her Duplicity was no match for my Lara Croft. The Best Friend, Becc cracked like a twig; handing over the address of She-Tea Headquarters (closely guarded secret) in exchange for borrowing my Christian Louboutin heels for Date Night with her hubbie. (Couture can be so persuasive).

Dressed for action, in black True Religion Jeans, Armani Black T-Shirt and Prada patent black sneakers; I walked up the cobblestone driveway, dodged the sprinklers, skirted the rose garden and wandered through the open front door of Daylesford’s prettiest 1880’s miner’s cottage.  Across the threshold, the seductive smell of lavender lured me in further; like sleep walking off the Lavender plateau in Gorge du Verdon, straight into a Grasse perfumerie. Hessian sacks of Lavender, dried Rose petals and Jasmine flowers covered every inch of floor space. Mrs She-Tea should offer guided tours, because this place is spellbinding; I didn’t know where to look or smell first.

A glint of sunlight at the back of the room caught my eye. There it was. The final Face-Off portrait, leaning against the far wall next to some She-Tea canisters. I see now why The London Portrait Gallery would be interested. It was like looking in a mirror. Gingerly stepping over the hessian sacks to get a closer look, my eyes were drawn to the She-Tea canisters.  OMG! I’m a tea! She-Tea is planning to launch a tea dedicated to ME, named @pradagoesrural (my Twitter handle).  I’m speechless.

The back label of @pradagoesrural reads… 

Adorned in Prada and wellies, @pradagoesrural bombards her inner circle with endless “how to become famous” marketing ideas, coupled with ridiculous deadlines that induce panic-inspired frenzy that make you feel like this is the last possible chance you will ever have to do something meaningful with your life.  Her verbal assault of marketing wisdom is swiftly followed with a look that screams, “If you can’t manage this darling, there’s something very wrong with you!”

Her two favourite “F” words, Fabulous and Famous, find their way into almost every sentence, as she sweeps through restaurants, bars and cafes, gracing everyone with air kisses and “royal” waves; leaving a trail of bewildered tourists asking “Who is that woman? Is she famous?”

After yet another day of frantic writing, outlandish PR stunts, and endless promises of global stardom to local artistic talents, @pradagoesrural retreats to her pretty veranda laden with oversized pots of lavender, and pours a glass of French bubbles. Smiling at her own fabulousness and gathering the energy to do it all over again tomorrow.

I sneak quietly out the backdoor, with a canister of She-Tea @pradagoesrural secreted away in my Mulberry Tote. I always dreamt of being on the cover of a magazine, but this is SO much better. My mind is still racing with ideas on how to get Mrs She-Tea onto supermarket shelves around the world.  I wonder if Wedgewood would design a tea-cup for ME? Must ask.

To read more and get a sneak peek into the upcoming book  “From Daylesford with Love”,  visit www.tweedteaandwellies.com

Introducing WARRIOR: The Stories Behind Our She-Tea Blends

If you haven’t already guessed, many of the She-Tea canisters were created pre-children, during long, booze-drenched afternoons of frank and hilarious girl talk, mixed with sporadic cackling and witch-like squeals. The names that made us laugh the most were the ones that made the cut. Once sobriety kicked in, many of these also had to be removed…

WARRIOR

WARRIOR TEA for every woman.

She leaps effortlessly across the tree-tops and over lakes (think Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), deflecting armies of arrows with the skilful use of her trusted sword. Sleighing dragons in her path she rescues the Emperor’s son from evil, ransom-demanding kidnappers.

As she crouches down low behind the protection of a bamboo cluster, she prepares to launch into another surprise dusk attack on some unsuspecting drunken soldiers

… when she is rudely interrupted by the dishwasher repairman, who is knocking on the window trying to snap her out of the call-centre-induced coma she slipped into 22 minutes ago .

With the 2895 jobs that need to be completed before 3 o’clock today listed clearly on her “To Do List”, our little Warrior takes another deep breath, steadies herself, and calmly inspects the pile of bills waiting to be paid, the list of groceries she needs to buy, and the kid’s birthday party invites that she was meant to send out last week.

Calmly she makes her way to the bathroom, looks in the mirror and tells herself that she’ll feel better when she puts her make-up on (aka War Paint) and gets out of the house. Suddenly, to her horror, she realises that she already has her make-up on and this is as good as she’s going to look today. She briefly considers just going back to bed.

Instead, this admirable master of household warfare brews herself a strong pot of tea, sits herself down and takes a moment to compose herself before walking out the door, armed with car keys, credit card, enviro-shopping bags, and smile to greet yet another day.

We salute you Warrior.

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